Jerry's opening monologue:

The bad thing about television is that everybody you see on television is

doing something better than what you're doing. Did you ever see anybody on TV

like just sliding off the front of the sofa with potato chip crumbs on their

face? Some people have a little too much fun on television: the soda

commercial people - where do they summon this enthusiasm? Have you seen them?

"We have soda, we have soda, we have soda", jumping, laughing, flying through

the air - it's a can of soda. Have you ever been standing there and you're

watching TV and you're drinking the exact same product that they're advertising

right there on TV, and it's like, you know, they're spiking volleyballs,

jetskiing, girls in bikinis and I'm standing there - "Maybe I'm putting too much

ice in mine."